SIT BACK AND RELAX
Sometimes, parents feel they must intervene on the behalf of their student-athletes. They have little or no trust in their children to do what they think should be done. Most of the time, the intervention either backfires or is successful - but many times at a price. The only time a parent should intervene is when the charges or allegations are serious or when your son or daughter isn’t making any progress and needs your help.
My advice to the parents is to “Sit back, relax and watch your son or daughter compete in their sport.” Enjoy the previous moments that play out on the fields, on the courts or in the pools. Have an ice cream with them after a game.
The thing that you need to do, before you can sit back and relax, it to teach your son or daughter some negotiating or communication skills. You see - they should do the talking with the coaches, not the parents. The skills basically are to get your son or daughter simply to ask the right questions so they can get the answers they are looking for. Teach your son or daughter to become bold and assertive but polite and respectful. By asking the right questions they will at least know why the coach is doing what they are doing.
Many coaches would welcome such an approach. Also, as a parent, by letting go you actually create a stronger hold on your son or daughter’s love. Issues and events have to be addressed, but they should be taken care of by the coach and the student-athlete. Your son or daughter will begin to see that you have some confidence in them to take care of their matters.
What a more rewarding outing it might become if parents learn how to let go and leave all of the frustrations on the field. Student-athletes learn to leave those issues on the field, and parents should learn to do the same. Parents can play an important role, but it must not be as a lobbyist for their child.
They can provide support, not only for their athlete, but also for other members of the team. They can work as a sports booster, as a volunteer. As a parent, you are not always going to be around to fight those battles - better to teach your children the right ways to search out answers to puzzling questions.
PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE
So you aren’t getting the playing time you think you should get, or you’re not starting at that position you feel you should. Frustrating - isn’t it?
Here are some thoughts about these situations. I would suggest that you visit with the coach and find out the factors that may be stopping you from achieving your goals. Ask the tough questions like, “What do I need to work on to get more playing time or start at the position I like?” Once you know the answers, you can start working on addressing them.
Stay in shape, both physically and mentally, for your sport. Work hard in the practice sessions to win over your coach and fellow players. In practice sessions, you have more time to impress your coach than you have in a game - make good use of the minutes. Sometimes, it is a matter of confidence. Confidence of others in you and your confidence in them. You need to work on strengthening your confidence in your skills and help to motivate others on building their confidence.
Try playing another sport or participating in another activity. You might be pleasantly surprised.
An attitude adjustment might be needed and well received by your coach and fellow players. Being stubborn, defensive, getting personal simply don’t advance your goals. Work on the things you can control and don’t worry about the ones you can’t. Above all, have tons of patience.
Patience is power and those that have it and display it are powerful people. If you are playing second fiddle on your team, then play the best second fiddle you can. Don’t worry about your recruitment as there are things away from your high school that can be done to overcome those weaknesses.
